Playing With Other Kids

DuckyBoy spent last week at Grandma's on Long Island, visiting lots of playgrounds. While we were on vacation in Cozumel, he was playing with a new kid, or two or three, almost every day.

When we picked him up on Sunday, Grandma proudly told us story after story about how nicely he asked to play with, then played with, the other kids he met. He asked politely, he shared (after day 1, when Grandma had to send him to his room because he wouldn't share... after that, he got it!), he took turns, it was a string of great social successes. With similar-age peers.

That made us feel good!

By contrast:

Today when I picked him up from school, we left the playground almost immediately when he had a meltdown. (That's its own story.) In the car on the way home, I remembered his successes from the previous week and asked him, "Is it easier to play with kids you know or kids you don't know?"

His immediate answer, not surprisingly, was "Kids I don't know." Then he started to spiral down into saying that the kids he knows never let him choose what to play, on and on. Which I know isn't entirely true, so I asked, "Even at recess?"

And he was quiet, so I suggested, "Maybe it's because the kids who are at the playground after school are different than the kids in the yard at recess?"

And he agreed. He does play more with the girls at lunch -- and more often, it's boys who go to the playground on Wednesdays.

There's something there.

It's the same or similar to the reason he didn't want to go to gymnastics anymore -- being with too many kids he knew was one of his main reasons for wanting to quit.

I think kids he knows have expectations of him -- that he'll recognize them, talk to them, remember things about them or previous conversations or experiences they've had. It's a lot of pressure for him to conjure up those memories -- some of which he may truly not have. He's much more interested in whatever is at hand -- the imaginary play, the tumbling, the game.

So, what do I do with this information?