The Sound of Complaining in the Morning

DB tends to complain about any little thing in the mornings, school mornings. Sometimes he's just grumpy when he wakes up, but other times something comes out he's actually anxious about. And if I can listen, I can actually help with something.

For example, once a week the physical therapist at school was counting how many times DB blurted out the answers in class instead of raising his hand. One Wednesday morning, he read over the schedule of what "special" sessions he had that day, and the PT was on the list.

Usually, he loves his sessions with her, but that day he was upset to see her name on the schedule. When I asked why, he explained, "On Wednesday she sits in the classroom and counts my blurts."

Obviously, he'd become really self-conscious about it. And obviously, he hadn't communicated that to her, because I know she'd have stopped if she knew how he felt.

After he got on the bus I emailed her, and that very day she talked with him about the reason behind it, reassured him, and also stopped doing it.

I got to thinking about this after I read Karianna's post on her son's most recent social stumble, and how difficult it is to unpack the feelings around social issues -- both ours and our childrens'.

She made me think how lucky I am that DB is often (eventually) able to articulate (in a roundabout way) what bothers him about a methodology. Often, this comes out early in the morning.

This morning, in fact, something else came up: The Desk Inspection Issue.

DB's classroom consists of desks with space to shove stuff into.

He mentioned this morning (the topic came from nowhere, by the way) that his "desk is never clean" for desk inspection. I know it's jammed full of papers and such, and I know he seems to have no clue what to do about it.

In fact a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned his messy desk to the teachers at parent-teacher conference, thinking and suggesting that perhaps he could use some guidance about what to do. In fact, I know I said out loud that he does not know what to do and could use some help.

I was thinking (and I suggested) a written list of steps to help him. That could help the whole class, right? And how hard is this?

But, their response has apparently been to have been at least 2 "desk inspections" since then, but clearly that's not helping him learn what to do. Now, it's totally possible that they verbally give directions.

But something did not click for DB. This morning he said things like "the teacher just looks at it" and "No teachers are allowed to help you!" (when I suggested that [the physical therapist] might be able to help him figure out what to do).

I also tried to talk to him about the steps for sorting papers, etc., and he anxiously said, "You just have to throw it all out!"

Now, DB doesn't like to throw ANYTHING out :) so that'd be anxiety provoking right there, coupled with the fact that I don't think he literally knows what to do first.

By that point (7:15 am), I needed to calm him down so he can get on the bus. So I told him there are a couple of things we can do, and I also explained to him that sometimes grownups don't realize what kids don't know how to do, and made an example of "What if I said to you, 'DB, go do the dishes.' I know how to do it but you don't. There are a lot of little steps I don't even think of, that you just don't know yet."

That seemed to make sense to him. God bless him, he really does listen to me sometimes.

So, right after he got on the buss I emailed the physical therapist this morning, and I've already heard back from her that she'll be on it when she can.

And, I'll continue to try to keep an open mind to the morning complaints.